When you feel like a failure....
This time of year, especially if you're active on social media, it seems that everyone is happy and living a wonderful life so it’s surprisingly easy to feel like a failure. At the end of a year and the beginning of another we usually take time to reflect on the previous year and look at the year ahead. If we are feeling a bit low, anxious or stressed it seems that our failures are amplified at this time of year. We see everyone else apparently succeeding effortlessly. We look at our own homes and just see things we haven’t done, or things that still need doing. It may be that we see the year ahead as another year like the last and that nothing is going to change, despite wanting it to but not knowing how.
One thing all of my clients come to me feeling, is that of being a failure. That their house is a mess, that their spending is out of control, or that their paperwork is in chaos. Clients feel that they’re a failure as everyone else doesn’t have this problem, but they do and that they have failed at the basics of life that everyone else seems to have automatically figured out. They feel that they’re a failure because they aren’t like everyone else. I tell them straight away to banish those thoughts - that they are amazingly strong to have contacted me, and that they are anything but a failure just because they have never been given the tools to know how to have a tidy/decluttered home. Its actually a strength that they are battling just to keep afloat, and that now is just the beginning of an exciting, transformational and positive journey!
A friend said to me the other day that dealing with people that are in a tangle must be depressing and get me down. I was really shocked by this, as if I’m being honest I find it unbelievably uplifting and it actually fills me full of joy. Maybe the reason for this is my mindset is different, and usually by the end of our first session my clients mindset has changed too. Clients come to realise that actually they’ve made a massively positive step by asking for help, and that things can change – and they’ve already started the process of positive change just by me being there! That there is hope, they’re not stuck and trapped, and how they want their homes and life to be is actually very possible. They learn that it’s not their fault the mess they’re currently in, they’re not a failure at all. It takes time but they realise social media isn’t ‘real’ life, it’s just a one way mirror where you only get to see the good stuff that people want to share, they don’t see the other bits. They come to realise that actually their house is great – it just needs help to get it to how they can imagine it can be. I can see past clutter easily – I can see the potential. Even if my clients can’t yet see it as they are so used to living how they do, they can’t see another way, but I can – and that fills me full of excitement. I can see how sorting through the clutter can absolutely change their life, and it’s an absolute honour for me to help them do it. They learn that for every negative thought there is a positive to counteract it, and very slowly their mindset changes… let me give you a little example of how it worked for me.
This Christmas day I was cooking for my daughter and my parents. My mother brought a steamer over to use for the carrots. Well, cooking isn’t my strong point (if I’m honest it does my nut in!) so I thought my mum was in charge of the carrots, as I haven’t a clue about using a steamer. Unfortunately she thought I was dealing with it. Cue an awful burning smell just as we were ready to serve up Christmas dinner… the majority of the carrots were an interesting shade of orange and black. A few carrots were (barely) salvageable – and according to my (fussy) daughter, totally inedible. In previous years I would have got so upset that Christmas day dinner had been ‘ruined’. I was a failure as I couldn't even cook a few carrots. This year was different – I looked to the positive. EVERYTHING ELSE was edible and lovely! I had successfully created a Christmas dinner – and with loads left over too. No one was going to starve. The food was niiiice. I’d done it. Ok so the carrots didn’t go to plan, but hey ho, it’s not a disaster. So I have learnt to change my mindset, look to the positive. Laugh off the negative. Look at what you have achieved rather that what you didn’t or what didn’t go to plan.
So today as you look to the past, remember that it is gone. Nothing you have done that has got you to this point is a failure. Look for the positive. If you want change YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. If you don’t know how to make it happen or where to start, that’s where I can help. I have just finished untangling one weekly client (look out for her story coming soon), so I now have space for taking on more 1:1 work. So if you want 2018 to be the start of amazing change and a transformational year send me a message (firstname.lastname@example.org) and book in your free one hour consultation. You will get to see how we can work together to help you live the life you want and choose.
I’m really excited for 2018, my business is thriving, my daughter and I are truly happy with life, and I can see my vision for how I want the future, and despite the many negatives that will get in my way I know that there are so many positives just waiting for me. Have a lovely New Year whatever you decide to do, (I will be relaxing in my PJs) and banish those negatives. Actively seek out the positive and I can assure you it will change your life and make 2018 a wonderful year!